Let's Talk Forgiveness

It was clear that I had gained a bit of weight; it was almost as if the new clothes I bought just a few months prior had shrunk in the dryer (or so I wanted to believe).  I guess the 'freshman fifteen' joke my sister from another mother made were actually coming through.

What would I do with the bundles of clothes that I was about to lose?  To me, throwing them away, knowing that some of them were new, was not an option.  Everyone who knows me well knows that I like to give; I got a bag and placed them in and went to one of my closest dorm mates and handed them to her.  She received them but eventually had to return them when she too realized that she had the 'freshman fifteen'. 

I walked towards another room and thought about giving them to another one of the girls.  She was similar in size to me when I just began university.  I explained to her why I was giving them away and we both laughed about the situation.  I clearly explained to her that if she didn't want them, she could pass them back to me so that I could pass them on.  I usually hand my 'shrunken' clothes to the Salvation Army or brought them back to Grenada where there were plenty of people I knew that needed them and that they would fit well.  They were good clothes and it was even hard for me to let them go.

A few weeks later, another one of the girls invited me to a function where there was a clothing drive.  She walked into the room and said to me that one of the girls gave her some pieces of clothing to donate to the drive but she wasn't sure if they were good enough.  With my genuine nature, I offered to look at them and we would then each decide if they were suitable for giving.  To my amazement and much surprise, when I opened the bag, there was every single one of my skirts and tops in the bag, just rolled up like they were mere pieces of old fabric.  If I were her, I too would have been confused as to if they were good!

I stood there in silence; my jaw almost touching the floor, my eyes glued in the bag, my mind racing and my heart pounding. I was hurt. I was confused. I was disappointed and I felt horrible. How could she? Didn't I clearly say to her that she should hand them back to me if she didn't want them or if they couldn't fit? Did I wear them? Were they dirty? I was so confused; millions of questions flooded my mind.  

Then, my confused dissipated and anger began to flow through. Was she out of her mind? I mean, after I decided to give, she did this? I'm going to tell her about it. You know what, I'm going to put the clothes on and wear them when she is around to show her that I am aware of what she did! Passive aggression - that was my weapon of choice.

To someone else, this probably seemed like a minor incident, but to me, knowing that I am always ready to give, having that happen made me feel an uneasy type of way.  But in the midst of my fuming anger, a small voice reminded me of the need to forgive and move on. 

Have you ever been hurt like this before?  Or maybe you've been hurt so much more?  In the midst of the emotions that come rushing through, it is almost impossible to think about the word forgiveness.  It's hard to even think about NOT saying anything to that person and somehow 'pretending' like it's all okay. 

As human beings, it is easy for us to retaliate and find equal measures of punishing persons who have wronged us; but what does that profit us? A small moment of satisfaction and sometimes, a lifetime of regret because of the things we have done and said.  

I chose to not let this bitterness take control of me and I kept my mouth shut and genuinely forgave my friend.  Although initially, I was so hurt, I had to talk to someone; when I forgave her, I did not need to let her know that I knew what happened and publicly state that I forgave her; I kept my mouth shut and I showed her the same measure of love I showed everyone else.  There were no hidden ill feelings towards her, no smart remarks that suggested any evil intent. There was no talking about the incident with anyone after I forgave her either. That was done with and I left it alone.  

I have learnt over the years that the saying really is true, "Forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for you" (author unknown). No matter how much we hold unto bitterness and unforgiveness, the person who hurts isn't the person who has wronged us but it is we who hurt in the end.  We carry the baggages that hang around us like chains; we walk with the heavy load labelled unforgiveness - we are the ones really hurting in the end.  


Today is the last day of December. It is the last day in 2016.  Tomorrow, a new day will dawn. Consider the many baggages that you have carried for the year and make a choice now to let it go.  Maybe you need to make a phone call, maybe you need to write a letter, send a text, send an IM, visit a friend you have not spoken to in a while, accept an apology that has not been given.

Make the choice tonight to forgive the ones who have hurt you and betrayed your trust, and in the end, you bring healing to your own self.  This year, I chose to forgive some people who placed a dent on my 2016 which was going so great for me. For some of them, it was a habit. 

I chose to let go of the hurt I felt when the people I expected to be my friends betrayed me and said things about me that I least expected.  My good intentions turned into a whirlwind of turmoil that I just wanted to go away. 

Eventually, I chose to forgive.  It was not easy. Actually, it was one of the hardest things I had to do but I did it! Trust me, it didn't all happen overnight but it took some serious prayers and strength to just let go of the things that could eventually poison me.

Friends, life if unexpected; today you can have all you desire and tomorrow, it can all be gone. Today you can be here and tomorrow, you can be gone. Choose today to right the wrongs that have been done and forgive someone today - it will be worth it!

All the best for 2017!!!